January 2006

Letters from Women

I love your site, and it has meant a great deal to my husband and I as we have grown together in our female-led marriage. My only complaint is that you sometimes take the fun out of the discussion by downplaying the very strong sexual component that exists in this relationship type. I worry that many women that read this site to learn about loving female authority for the first time might walk away with an impression that it is all about turning their couch potato husbands into their butlers and maids. It's really so much more than that.

The sexual energy in the relationship is clearly channeled towards the pleasure of the woman. In my marriage, my orgasms come first (and for that matter second and third) before his is even considered. The physical element of sexual satisfaction, however, is only the beginning. For me, there is an incredibly sexual rush that comes from being in complete control. It turns me on when I look down at my husband and see him kissing my feet. It further excites me to know that his mouth would move from my feet to between my legs at my command. Because my control over him is constant, even out of the bedroom, the sexual charge is also constant. This is true for him as well as for me.

Please remind your readers, or maybe let them know for the first time, that power is a turn-on for women!

Annie in California

Emily responds...

Annie, I appreciate your letter as we are always open to sincere suggestions for improvement. I actually agree with you in that our site does sometimes undervalue the sexual benefits that loving female authority imparts on women (and men) that practice it in their marriages. As I have said many times, this site is intended as a non-threatening introduction to loving female authority for women who have never considered this type of relationship in the past. As such, we do downplay the sexual component of the female-led household. Perhaps we downplay it too much, and perhaps we should devote more content to the subject. As such, we have included your letter as well as the following letter which also touches on the benefits that LFA delivers to the dominant wife.

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I have been married for fifteen years. Until a few months ago, I don't believe that I had enjoyed sex the entire duration of my marriage. Sex had always been a very mechanical thing for my husband and me. I believe that the two of us just went through the motions the way we understood to be typical. He was very affectionate, and we practiced foreplay to a certain degree, but he had only given me oral sex on a couple of occasions. I was much more likely to perform the act on him, probably having given him oral sex about a dozen times a year.

All of this changed when I was made aware of your site. I heard about it, of all places, at my knitting club. This club is a small group of women, and we have all known each other for years. One of the women had seen the New Bride's Guide to Training Her Husband given as a bridal shower gift, and probably as a joke, ordered the book for me. I had been complaining about my husband's frequent fishing trips, and she said it would represent a fix to that problem. The book sat in my knitting bag for a couple of weeks, and I only actually decided to read it when I found myself spending half a day in a doctor's waiting room. I was, of course, amazed when I realized that the book was not just a joke at all, but was an education on a real alternative way of relating to my husband.

I went to your site after reading the book, and learned even more about female led households. In getting myself educated, I came to the conclusion that my husband displayed many subtle indications that he might be supressing submissive tendancies. They were all little things, but when I started thinking about them together, they all started to fit a pattern. For example, he was always attracted to dominant women, or women dressed as such, in movies and pop culture. Also, I remember he saw a woman wearing a pair of thigh-high, black leather boots and he suggested I get a pair. I was too conservative to buy anyhing like that, but sure enough, he bought me a pair for my birthday two months later. The thing that really got me thinking was something that he had given me very early in our relationship, when we were first dating. For Valentines Day, he had given me a gift certficate for "Slave for a Day". At the time I thought it was a cute little way of saving money on a real gift by just offering to do me favors all day, but in retrospect, I started to think that maybe it was more.

I wasn't sure if I was reading too much into my clues or not, but regardless, I worked up the courage one night to start testing him. I asked him to get some lotion and rub my feet. He took a position next to me on the couch and started to do so. I asked him if he wouldn't mind doing it on the floor. I was glad he didn't ask me why, because I'm not sure I would have had an answer, I just wanted to put him in a subservient position. I then used sort of joking tone and asked him to kiss my toes. He did so, sort of light heartedly at first, but then he really started getting into it. I then had him pull off my pajama bottoms and panties so he could start going down on me. I started stroking the back of his head while he did it, and he really seemed to be enjoying it. However, after about two minutes, he stood up and started pulling off his own clothes so that he could move on to intercourse. I told him that he wasn't finished yet, and that he needed to keep going down on me. About forty-five minutes and half a dozen orgasms later, he was cuddled up next to me on the couch with his head resting on my stomach. He had just accepted that the evening would be about my pleasure, and he never even made a second motion to try and have intercourse. After a about a week of repeat performances, we finally had our "you'll obey me" conversation. Things have never been the same since. Honestly, I think I could write my own book on the benefits to women of controlling their men's orgasm.

Sex is now a very big deal to me where as before it was just a routine, ho-hum experience. Believe me, there is no better example of a more sexually uptight, conservative woman in the world to have converted to your way of thinking. My husband and I are both the luckiest people in the world for having discovered loving female authority. Please keep up the good work with your site.

Unsigned

Emily responds...

Again, another great testimony to the difference that loving female authority can make in a woman's sex life.


Letters from Men


I have beed married for over 30 years to a women with a strong personality. They say I have one too, but for over 25 years, I have known that my wife is a stronger personality than I. In our daily lives, she has always made the bulk of the decisions without realizing it. Due to a very conservative upbringing she still wishes the man of the house to be the man of the house. As such, she will phone me before buying new clothes if she has not discussed it with me first - I have never said no. Our sex life is good and over 90% is with her on top and with me laying on my back with my legs apart and she with her legs together - real role reversal. I like to ask her permission before I ejaculate and she never says no.

So, it would seem that I am living the submissive role and she is playing the dominant role but, apart from pillow talk, she has never come out and said words with the message that she's in charge or stating that she is the dominant partner or anything along those lines. I am finding that this is the missing factor to make my life complete. Why don't I tell her outright? I am scared that her conservative upbringing will make her reject my request and to some extent make her consider me a weirdo and thus sour our wonderful life. In other words, I would rather live 90% submission than gamble on 100% and lose what I have.

Can you offer any advice ??

Sid

Ken responds...

You are not alone in feeling the frustration of living a life of stealth submission to your wife. The missing link that prevents you from self-actualizing is her formal, open affirmation of her control over you. Many, many men are in exactly the same situation as you. Your relationship with your wife is wonderful in so many ways, but ultimatley not quite satisfying. In order to move to that next tiny step, you face the very real fear of rejection.

I end up writing responses to this very dilemma almost every month. Emily and I have endeavored not to keep referring people to the past responses, but always to keep posting new thoughts and new angles on your challenge. We believe that this approach is one of the driving forces behind the growing community that is building up around the site. So, to that end, please consider the following suggestions.

Make a list of ten things that would represent a step up from your current activity. If you currently rub her feet at night, start kissing and licking them. If you currently run her bath, start shampooing her hair. If you currently share the household chores, add one of her to your list. Every couple of weeks, start adding one of the new items. She will almost certainly notice and, hopefully initiate a conversation about these changes. Have a response ready for her. Tell her that the longer you have been together, the more you realize that your happiness comes from making her happy. Tell her you feel like she is the naturally stronger personality in your relationship, and you have always felt like she is the head of your household. Tell her that you like it this way and only wish that she would acknowledge the fact and take a more active leadership role in the relationship. All of this dialogue will certainly open an opportunity for you to either pull back if you feel the conversation is going beyond your comfort level, or accelerate the conversation if you feel like you have an opening.

You won't be truly happy until her leadership in the marriage is affirmed. Be strong and take these next incremental steps. Let us know how it goes and we will post new suggestions to accelerate your ascendancy into submission for others to read about.

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What is the most common question that people ask you in letters to your site?

Cal in Florida

Ken responds...

This is a short simple question, but I thought in answering it I could make a couple of points to the community. Far and away the most common category of letters that we receive are from men who are trying to escalate their submission to their wives/girlfriends. They want to go from what we commonly refer to as stealth submission to a more overt submission where the women recognizes her authority in the relationship and formally acknowledges and acts upon her leadership position. The above letter is yet another example of this type.

This should serve as a comfort to men in a similar position to know that they are not alone. Others struggle with this same issue, and others overcome this issue and finally take on the formal submissive role that they so crave. It should also serve as an indicator to women that if they even suspect that their husband/boyfriend is submissive, they should not hesitate to fulfill him by formally taking the dominant role in your relationship.

By way of expanding on the your question, I can make some other general comments about the letters we receive. One, they are overwhelmingly from men. Letters from men outnumber letters from women by at least five, maybe ten to one. A key difference between letters from women and letters from men is that men seem to be much more certain of the fact that they desire loving female authority before initiating it in the relationship. Women, on the other hand, often seem uncertain of whether or not it is right for them until after they have been practicing it. This further makes my point that women should abandon any inhibitions about initiating LFA in their relationships.

One final comment about letters that we receive is that we wish more of them were written with this published letters section in mine. We cannot answer all of the letters that we receive with a personal reply, and we primarily desire letters that we can use to help others that come to this site. Please tell us as much about the history of your relationships as possible, and try to refrain from mentioning topics that are clearly outside the intended, low-key tone of the site.

Please, however, know that we love getting letters from our readers. If you have an experience that you feel could help others if you shared it, by all means, send it to us.