Thursday, March 01, 2007

March 2007

Letters from Women

Dear Emily,

I was one of those wives that found out about your website on Valentines Day. My husband gave me a wonderful handwritten card, a copy of your book, and had loaded the confessional CD on my Ipod.

I want to first show you what he wrote on the card:

Dear Jan (not my real name),

There is no man alive that could love his wife more than I love you. You mean everything in the world to me. I know that I don’t always do a good job at showing it, but I promise you that my love for you is at the very core of who and what I am.

The fact that I do not always do a good job of showing my love is really what your Valentine’s present is all about. You will understand better when you listen to the track labeled “Around Her Finger” on your Ipod. The book is sort of a follow on to what you will hear and will explain it a little better.

I just hope you will be open-minded about this present. I promise you that it is ultimately about my expressing my love for you. Whether you are interested or not is completely up to you, and I will go on loving you either way. I know this doesn’t make sense just yet, but listen to the Ipod and you will understand.

Love always,


I could not have been more curious when I read the card. He had left it for me on our kitchen table along with a wonderful breakfast, a table set with flowers, and fresh squeezed orange juice. He was already gone to work by the time I woke up, so he was not there to answer any questions. I immediately listened to the track on the Ipod and understood instantly his intentions.

My first reaction was surprise. He is not the sort of man that wears his heart on his sleeve, so I was amazed he was taking such a bold step. My next reaction, however, was immense gratitude. The CD and the card both helped me to understand that his submission is an act of love above all else. I embraced it immediately. I actually finished reading the book before he was even home from work. While I had already purchased him some very simple valentines presents, I knew right away that I had another more special present to give him.

I emailed him at work and told him that I expected him to be home at exactly 6:30, and that he should walk into the house and read a note I would leave him on the kitchen table for further instructions.

As I planned, he arrived at precisely 6:30. The note simply told him to remove his clothes and come back to join me in the bedroom. All of the lights were off in the front part of the house. When he opened the bedroom door, completely naked, he stepped into our candlelit bedroom to find me seated in our sitting area in nothing but a very lacey robe. Next to me was an open bottle of wine, and while I was already into my second glass, I asked him to come over and pour me a third.

I asked him to kneel in front of me. I had him reassure me that this was what he really wanted in our marriage. I wanted to know that it was not just a bedroom game, but truly a change in how we would relate to each other in every aspect of our marriage. He assured me that this was the case. I put out my hand and allowed him to gently kiss my fingers. I told him that I was not only ready for this change, but that I agreed it would work better and that it was absolutely the natural next step in our marriage. I told him quite firmly that I would expect him to obey me, but I would also expect him to be proactive about doing those things that he knows would please me. I then opened myself to him and enjoyed his very selfless physical love for my body. This was one week ago. We have not had intercourse since that evening, but we have been intimate every evening and I have been more sexually satisfied than I have ever been at any time in our marriage.

More important than even the physical satisfaction has been the emotional satisfaction. We have talked more in the last seven days that we have in the last seven years. I am looking forward in growing in our relationship as I understand how this wonderful new change begins to evolve and take shape.

Thank you so much for the work you do,

Jan in San Antonio

Emily responds…

What a wonderful story of love and honest communication in a marriage. Your quick acceptance of your husband’s submission says a great deal about you. Your revised Valentines Day gift to him will pay rewards for many years to come.


Dear Emily,

Guess what I got for Valentines Day!

I was more than a little surprised when the note in my husband’s Valentines Day card to me ran on for so long that he had to staple another piece of paper to the card. I am pretty sure that the last few cards he got me had nothing more than a few X’s and O’s followed by his name. I was even more surprised when I read the note. Wow, I would never have guessed that my husband would be the submissive type. In opening up and sharing with me, he let me see a part of him that I was amazed even existed.

I just got finished reading your book and we are already two days into the Boot Camp. It is amazing! I think, no correct that, I know, that the last two nights are the first time ever that I have had an orgasm and he hasn’t. It’s usually the other way around. But just like you say in the book, the pleasure I get from the sex is nothing compared to the pleasure I am getting from a level of closeness with my husband that hasn’t existed since we were dating. The other night, after having him go down on me, we lay awake and talked for hours. I did stroke him a little as an expression of my interest and awareness in his sexuality, but he did not even get close to having an orgasm. I love it. I absolutely love it.

Hope that Oprah never finds out about your methods because you won’t be able to keep up with all the letters of thanks that you would get. I guess it’s just the lucky few of us who ever find out about your book.



Emily responds…

I loved a phrase that you used in your letter. You said you touched your husband “as an expression of [your] interest and awareness in his sexuality." This is another one of those moments when I am in debt to my readers for expressing a concept with language better than I have been able to come up with on my own.

Your expression is really an extension of the concept that stealth submission will never be enough to satisfy a submissive man in the long run. We often write about the fact that a man cannot sustain any satisfaction from submitting to a woman that does not embrace her authority. However, even women that do embrace their natural, dominant role in the relationship will find her husband more obedient, and more importantly, more emotionally engaged, when she takes extra pains to recognize her husband’s sexuality and intensify his arousal in the absence of his release.

Physically touching him is one way to do this. Another very effective way is to openly discuss how his arousal is good for both of you. Let him know how much you appreciate his behavior when he becomes so intensely turned on and left without an orgasm. Women would do well to bring those things that often go unsaid to the surface, particularly as they relate to his sexuality. Just as you would be unhappy if his head was full of loving thoughts for you and he said nothing, he is less than satisfied when these matters of such interest to him go unsaid.


Dear Emily,

My husband gave me your book and CD last Valentine’s Day, so it is now been one year since we have begun to practice loving female authority. I thought I would give you and your female readers a quick snapshot of my marriage before and after being introduced to Around Her Finger.

Television in the Evenings

Before: I would watch my television shows in the den while he would go in the basement and watch sports or the news on a different set.

After: We watch mostly my shows in the den, but I have a couple shows I let him choose. No matter which show it is, we are both together and he sits either next to me or on the floor rubbing my feet. In fact, we watch must less television these days because of the time in the evenings he spends giving me a massage.


Before: Maybe once a month we had a very quick (and hardly enjoyable) ten minute romp in the bed.

After: Three to four times a week we have some sort of sexual contact. It may or may not include intercourse, and if it does, he may or may not have an orgasm. I always have an orgasm.


Before: It was as if his brain created a wall that stopped him from talking about his feelings or listening to me talk about my own.

After: He talks to me and really listens to me all the time. It is not that he talks to me and listens to me because I am telling him to do so. It is not like that at all. It is as though he really wants to do these things. This is particularly true on evenings and days following [orgasm management].

Thank you, Emily. As you can see, you have made a tremendous difference in our marriage.


Emily responds…

Thank you so much for taking the time to write us with the wonderful before and after comparisons. I take note that your letter is the third letter published in the woman’s letter section this month, and it has one very wonderful thing in common with the first two. It calls out the impact that loving female authority has on your emotional closeness and communication habits. This is the single greatest gift that LFA has to offer women, and the one least anticipated by woman that venture down this path.

I wish you many more years of a happy marriage.

Letters from Men

Dear Ken,

I am a happily married man who is fortunate enough to actually be living in a female-led relationship and had a quick question for you that may actually need your wife's input for the guidance I need.

Due to a lot of stress and the winter weather, m wife has put on a significant amount of weight. While I will always love and worship my wife no matter what her size or looks become, I am concerned about her health. How would you suggest I address these concerns with her without coming across as being superficial about her looks and making her feel bad? I'm really struggling with this and any advice you could give would really help!


Ken responds…

I will let you off the hook and just accept at face value that you are only concerned about her health. I am only stating the obvious when I say that many men in your situation would also find themselves concerned about their wife’s physical appearance and not merely her health. I do not think this makes these men bad people, it just makes them men. For submissive men, their physical attraction to their wife is an important element of the sexuality that feeds the satisfaction they get from loving female authority. However, for most submissive men, and apparently yourself, their wife’s overt exercise of her authority trumps mere superficial beauty. As you say, you would adore her no matter what.

I would suggest that if you have noticed your wife gaining weight, she has likely noticed it as well. Just as she knows what is best for you, she also knows what is best for her. Leave it alone.


Dear Ken,

I gave my wife your book for Valentines Day along with a little card saying I would like her to consider some new ideas that could build our relationship even stronger. She said nothing about it for a week and a half. I didn’t know if she had not read the book or had read it and thought I was crazy.

We went out to eat this past weekend, and again said nothing about it, but when we got home, it was a different story. When we walked in the house she told me to go back in the bedroom and take off my clothes. I guess this was a little unlike her, but I still figured she was just wanting to be romantic in the traditional, vanilla sense. But when I started walking away, she told me to come back into the living room when I was done. This was when I started to think something was up because our living room is one of those formal rooms that we never really use, except maybe if we are having company.

When I came back to the living room, naked of course, she was sitting in a very stiff-backed chair. She had all of her clothes on. She told me to kneel in front of her. She asked me how long I had been thinking about giving her that book. I told her the truth, which was that I had felt this way for years, but had only discovered the website about six months before, and had been thinking about it ever since. She asked me if I was really serious about her being in charge of everything. She asked me how I would feel about golfing once a month instead of every weekend (which I know has always been a sore spot of her). She said she would expect me to wake up early on weekends to clean the house and have breakfast ready for her when she woke up. The thought of all these things, as I knelt naked in front of her, was making me feel whole and complete in a way I have never experienced before.

She had me remove her shoes and kiss and rub her feet. She told me that she expected not only my obedience, but also my continued love and affection, and she wanted me to show me that love in new ways every week. She wanted me to be romantic and express my feelings more, and that in exchange, she would always love me and would always have my best interests in mind. I undressed her and she pulled my head between her legs. Then we made love, but she pushed me off of her before I had a chance to have an orgasm. This was the first time I have ever experienced her “owning” my orgasm and stopping me after we had begun making love. It was amazing.

I hope my story inspires others. I was afraid to take a chance, but I am very glad that I did.

Jack in Virginia

Ken responds…

Your wife is a fast learner. I predict that your marriage will blossom and grow in ways you never thought possible. As she embraces her authority over you, and as she learns more about the opportunities that loving female authority affords her, she will guide you both to a stronger relationship.

Congratulation on taking the first step.


Dear Ken,

I just gave my wife your book for Valentines Day. I am crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. I will let you know how it works out.


Ken responds…

Thank you for the quick note. We always see an uptick in book sales right before Valentines Day. It means a lot to both Emily and I that so many men are encouraged to celebrate this lover’s holiday with a bold step towards a female-led relationship.

Best of luck to all of you.