I know it has been a long time...
Please do not mistake our absence for a lack of affection for the mission that we both take so seriously. The explanations for hiatus are not important. These long pauses may be more the norm than the exception. That said, Valentines Day reminded us both how important this blog is to so many couples.
Letters from Women
My husband and I have been married for five years, and for the last two, we have had a female led marriage. I was actually very worried for the first few years of our marriage. Not long after the honeymoon was over, my husband became moody, and we fought quite a bit. It was only upon my husband sharing his desire for this sort of relationship and then showing me your site with its very rational approach to this topic that our relationship has blossomed.
I was actually very open to the idea of taking the lead in our marriage right from the start. While my husband is very successful and capable, I am more self-disciplined and better organized. I knew that me being in control would better us financially. I am not an impulsive spender like he was. In fact, I'm a saver. I am more inclined to build out a schedule for household chores and tasks and stick to it. Now he sticks to it as well.
Over the last two years, what has really astounded me is how I have grown into my role as head of the household and how I now treasure my authority in the relationship. I do love him dearly, but I also love that I am in charge in my own home. I do not think that I abuse it, but he is unquestionably expected to obey my wishes. When I sometimes sense that he disagrees with my decisions or is resenting my commands, I reinforce my role in our marriage with the sort of intimate expressions of my authority that I know he craves and desires.
For example, he had recently asked about trading in his car for a new one after only driving it for two years. I told him that I would make my decision later that eveing. So, right before bed, I sat on the chair in our bedroom and had him go down on me as I often do in the evenings. As he was doing this I told him that I had made my decision, and that he would have to keep his car for at least another two years. I got the satisfaction of delaying the purchase of his car, and he got the satisfaction of having his request rejected in such intimate circumstances.
I have learned, however, that there is nothing more pavlovian than him kneeling between my legs. He will do anything to adore me in this way, and he is trance-like in his compliance following this intimacy with me. Of course, it also means witholding his orgasms, but he appreciates the intensity that this brings to our relationship. In public, I am obviosuly more subtle I simply cast a knowing glance his way or whisper in his ear that I know he will do what I expect because he belongs to me. Either way, he understands and complies, and I always reward him with a chance to kneel in front of me that evening.
As a woman and a wife, I have found all of this very liberating and powerful. It is not what I imagined marriage to be, it is quite a bit better. After a hard day, to know you are adored and respected is so wonderful.
Beth in Portland
What a fantastic letter. You have such a pragmatic view of your LFR. There is absolutely so much in this for both of you.
Letters from Men
Dear Emily and Ken
It has been a year since I first found your website, ordered your book and introduced it to my wife. To be honest it wasn't difficult. We are in our early fifties and have been married for 30 years. It really came as no surprise to my wife when I raised the subject. On some level it was natural. What was a surprise for both of us was the rich community of people who feel the same way. I have always been the bread winner in the house, but my wife has always handled the finances. Nothing has changed on that front. What has changed is the concentration I now put towards "serving" my wife.
The reality is that as we grow older a woman's sexual desire goes down while the guy's desire doesn't. FLR has proven to be the perfect solution. It has taken the focus off of an orgasm for either of us and instead puts the focus on intimacy. I have learned over the past year that the less often I have an orgasm the more focused I am on my wife. I have also learned that this focus on her has had the pleasant effect that she has actually wanted to have our intimacy progress to an orgasm for her more this year than at any time in the last 5 years.
Most of the day is the same as it was before. I go to work in the morning. But now I shower and get ready in the spare bathroom. The master bathroom is for the exclusive use of the real master. I bring coffee up for her before I leave. If she gets up before I go then I make the bed. If she gets up after chances are the bed will still be waiting for me to make it when I get home. Some days dinner is waiting for me when I get home. Some days I will get an email at work letting me know that I will be making dinner when I get home. Either way I serve the dinner and do the clean up and empty the dishwasher. Some days the laundry is left for me to do in the evening. There is always a list of things to do. Ironing is usually left for me. We have a maid service so I don't have regular house work but if there is house work it is usually my job. I fetch in the evening for what ever she may need. I have found it is more pleasurable for me when she tells me to do things rather than asks. My response always has to be "yes, Miss" and immediate action without any grumbling. When we get ready to go to bed I pick up the house and turn down the bed. We have a few things in bed that bring her pleasure without the need for an orgasm. The night usually ends with me kneeling at the end of the bed rubbing her feet until she falls asleep. Then I softly crawl into bed very happy but without an orgasm.
Last Christmas my present was a massage table and a massage book. She has me set it up on a regular basis and give her a full body massage. Usually followed immediately after by her going to bed while I continue the massage with her feet while she drifts off.
This year has been wonderful to the extreme. Thank you so much for running this website and giving the gift of your book to all of us who realize that this is not some weird game but rather a way to bring us closer to each other. We truly spend more time paying attention to each other and are happier than we have ever been in our relationship.
No longer an FLR rookie