Weekend Workshop is Taking Place

Interest in the workshop was much greater than I expected. We are now definately on for the event, and at this time we are completely booked with five couples scheduled to attend and three on the waiting list.

Thanks to everyone that expressed interest.

National TV Show Seeks Wife-led Household: $20,000 Participation Fee

I have been solicited by a national, prime-time television show to help them locate a family with a wife-led marriage to participate in an episode of their show, Wife Swap. I have done some minor due diligence, and I believe that the offer is genuine. I am posting a letter they have sent to me. Please contact me at Emily.Addison at gmail.com if you would like me to refer you to the casting producer. As part of full disclosure, please note that I will receive a modest referral fee for passing your name along.

Emily Addison

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I'm a Casting Producer with ABC and we're looking to feature families who live by the Submissive Husband philosophy for our hit family program, Wife Swap. We would love to meet families who are passionate about passing this philosophy on to others and we're looking for wholesome families who spend true quality time together and treasure good old fashioned values with their children.

In case you are unfamiliar with the show, Wife Swap is a family show on ABC primetime. The premise is simple: two moms from two very different families get the opportunity to swap lives for one week to experience what it's like to live a different lifestyle. This also provides them the chance to see what they can teach another family about their own philosophy. The goal of our show is for two families with different viewpoints on life and family to both give and take away something positive by “stepping outside the box” for one week.

We are looking for two parent families with children between the ages of 5 and 18 who have outgoing personalities! All featured families receive a $20,000 honorarium as a thank you for their ten day filming commitment.

I appreciate any help you can offer in reaching out to these families. I look forward to hearing from you!

Around Her Finger Weekend Workshop

We are in the preliminary stages of planning a three day workshop on the topic of Loving Female Authority for January 19th to 21st. Preliminary might be an understatement, as we have not decided for certain that we will actually go forward with the event. We do, however, want to solicit our readers to determine the level of interest before moving ahead.

The likely location would be a luxury resort property located in the Southeastern United States. Guests would arrive Friday January 19th, and we would convene for a welcome dinner that evening. Saturday would be filled with workshops, dinner again that night, and then a final group activity on Sunday before departing.

We would limit the attendance to no more than five couples (six including ourselves). This would be a not-for-profit event for Ken and I, but as best as we can tell at this point, the cost would be roughly $1,000 per couple. This would include the costs of the room, both dinners (excluding alcohol), lunch, breakfast, and the cost of the on-site meeting room.

We would first do telephone interviews with all the couples so that we know going into the event that everyone is roughly in the same stage of development in their LFA dynamic. Please email me regarding your interest directly at first.last at gmail.com (obviously substituting my own name in place of first.last).

Emily Addison

October 2006

Letters from Women

Dear Emily,

I recently was made aware of your site and wanted to share the details of how I met the man that brought it to my attention.

I often go the coffee shop near my home to read my newspaper. I tend to dress well in public, even for my trips to the coffee shop. On this morning I was wearing a pair of pumps that while very cute, were also very uncomfortable. I decided to reach down and remove them when I sat down so that I could get more comfortable with my paper. When I did so, I noticed that the younger man sitting near me seemed to take notice. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him staring at my feet over the laptop on which he was working .

This man was much younger than I am. I dont' think I look it all, but I just had my fifty-eighth birday last week. I have taken yoga for years, and I am very careful about what I eat. I have also had a couple of selective cosmetic procedures, so I believe I could pass for a woman in her early forties. That said, this man seemed to be in his late twenties or early thirties (He is, in fact, thirty-three). He was very well groomed, and he was a very good looking man. My first instinct when I saw him staring at my feet was that I might have imagined it. However, when I put my feet up on the coffee table in front of me, I unmistakeably saw him repeat his stare.

I was still certain that he did not know I had caught him staring. I decided to test it further. I stretched out one foot directly in front of me and rubbed it with my hands. This time I had to work hard to pretend not to notice his reaction. He was sitting up and he actually seemed like he took a deep breath to get control of himself. I was quite tickled that I seemed to be having this effect on him. I have been divorced for almost two years, and I was delighted by the attention I was receiving.

I then decided to try something even less subtle. A few minutes later, I allowed one of the sections of my paper to drop to the floor. Well, you cannot imagine how quickly he set down his laptop to pick up that newspaper. I thanked him, then introduced myself. We began to make small talk, and as we did, I made a point of calling attention to my feet. He made some very worthless attempts to hide his interest, but his eyes were letting him down. Emboldened by my certainty, I again stuck my foot out in front of me. I rubbed it telling him that I had done quite a bit of walking yesterday, and that my feet were very sore as a result. This made him very nervous, and he became toungue-tied trying to formulate a response. I pointed out that he seemed to be quite interested in my feet. I stared and smiled waiting for a response.

Later he would tell me that he was overcome with a desire to kneel in front of me and take my feet in his hands, rubbing them and kissing them. At the moment, however, he said nothing. I was nearly finished with my paper at this point, so I collected my things and told him that I must be going. I was hoping that he might ask for my number, but he was much too shy for this. I told him that I come to the coffee shop regularly and hoped to see him again.

Sure enough, the next morning he returned. When I walked into the shop, he was seated in the exact same location that he had been the day before. We again made some small talk, but this time he was prepared with some ideas about how to handle his reluctance to move beyond idle chatter. He admitted that he had in fact been staring at my feet the day before, and added that it was only because he considered them and me very attractive. He then asked if I might be willing to have a glass of wine with him that evening. I told him I had plans, but that the following evening was open. He took my number, but before he took his leave, he handed me a wonderful hand-written note.

In the note he apologized for his shyness the day before, and wanted to provide an explanation for his behavior. He said that he was overcome not only by my beauty, but by a certain confidence that I seemed to possess. He said that I was the sort of woman that men were eager to put on a pedestal and adore, and he hoped that he might have a chance to do just that. He said that a man is happiest when he puts a woman's happiness before his own, and that he wanted to explore this sort of relationship with me. Upon reading the note, I was quite anxious for him to call me. When he did, I thanked him for the note, and I made the comment that his thoughts seemed very well developed and articulated. He said that he had thought about what makes him happy for a very long time, and had developed this notion not only on his own, but through a number of websites that supported this theory. He mentioned yours by name.

He then went on to suggest that we meet at a restaurant very near my home for that glass of wine the next evening. I agreed to meet him, and when I hung up the phone, I immediately looked up your site. I was very surprised at what I saw. I thought that he clearly had a foot fetish, but was really not even aware that submissive men of the type you describe even existed. I knew that some men were attracted to the idea of dominant women, but I thought that fantasies of this sort were restricted to the professional dominatrix with whips and a leather outfit. Here was something completely unfamiliar to me. Your site described a type of man, of which he was one, that truly would take joy in pleasing a woman. This was something that had an instant appeal to me.

I opened the door when he arrived. He stood there holding flowers. I asked him to go put them in some water in the kitchen and then to open a bottle of wine that I had set out for us. I then took a chair in the sitting room. With him kneeling in front of me, I asked him to remove my shoes. As he removed the first, he closed his eyes and pressed the soul of my foot against his face. He placed gentle kisses along the length, beginning at the bottom of my heel and working towards my toes. These he put in his mouth one by one. I had never felt so adored by any lover.

I told him that I wanted to build a relationship with him based on his service and obedience to me. While we were certainly not in love, our relationship would have the quality of loving female authority, and I would reward his service by indulging his submission. I asked him to look at me and tell me that he understood that his total obedience would be required. He looked at me with such a sense of satisfaction as he told me that he would obey me and that he was grateful beyond words for the opportunity to serve me.

I pushed my legs apart. I allowed myself to slide forward so that my hips were against the edge of the chair, and I lifted my skirt to reveal my body to him. This began the first of what have been the most wonderful intimate moments that I have ever experienced. He is completely selfless in his attention to my physical pleasure. There is truly nothing he does not do for me. Very seldom do I allow our intimacy to put him in a position to climax. Typically, after I have been satisfied, I will tell him that I have had enough. I then spend wonderful moments in his arms while he kisses on my neck and strokes my hair as if we had just been together for the very first time. After all of these years of struggling with relationships in my life, I feel as if I have been given the secret to mutual happiness. By channeling a man’s passions into emotional energy rather than physical release, I have discovered a more satisfying outcome for both of us. It is a powerful magic that all women should learn.

Our relationship is not perfect, but this is due to circumstances and not your methods. For example, our age difference has caused enough unease that neither of us is comfortable in socializing with each others circle of friends. Our relationship is therefore private, and we may never evolve beyond this. For this reason, I am considering telling him that we should pursue separate relationships and explore whether or not we can maintain ours in parallel. I would love to keep his loyalty, but I am afraid that ten years from now this dynamic will begin to collapse, and I do not want to be responsible for wasting his relative youth.

For the time being, I am enjoying my emerging dominance, and he is embracing his submission. There are eveneings when I drink wine while reading, and he is content to rub and kiss my feet until I tell him it is time for bed. He loves to kiss my bottom while I drft off to sleep. He draws baths for me on weekend mornings and brings my coffee to me in the tub. It is really wonderful. I am quite certain that he has no inhibitions when it comes to my control over him, and I intend to explore activities with him that I have never felt comfortable with in the past.

Thank you again mentoring this young man for me. He is amazing.

Unsigned

Emily responds...

Your letter is atypical in that your relationship essentially began with him in service to you. I advocate an approach that builds loving female authority on top of an existing healthy relationship, but you seem to have made this dynamic work for you in your particular circumstances. I am delighted that you are enjoying your time with this man. I am also glad to hear that, having come to your own conclusion that the relationship may not be ideal for the long haul, have already thought about an exit strategy.

Enjoy this time. I know that he does. Also, bring forward these ideas and experiences into any new relationships that you have. You have discovered the joys of male submission, and it would be a pitty to settle for anything less.

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Dear Emily,

I have quite a bone to pick with you.

I feel as though your site has given my husband the false hope that I would be interested in a wife-led marriage. In fact, I have no interest at all in anything other than a marriage of equals. Why should he be expected to obey me? Why can't we just relate to each other as individuals and work together to realize our dreams and build our relationship?

We have been married for three years, and I can honestly say that we are the happiest, most loving couple that I know. We laugh, we communicate, we do things together. The idea of him submitting to me just is not what I signed up for when I agreed to marry him. I will admit that I have not read your entire website, but it didn't take long for me to get the idea. This is just not for me.

I would imagine that you get many letters from unhapy wives like me, and I would bet you never publish them. I hope you will publish mine as I think other men should really think twice before suggesting something like this to their wives.

Unsigned

Emily responds...

While we have received many letters from women that are hesitant and cautious about the concepts of loving female authority, yours is the first that I can remember that flatly rejected the concept without further consideration. I suspect, however, that others may have shared your reaction but not been inclined to write us. To that end, I am happy to publish your letter. I do hope that you will consider my response. As you know, I have also sent this response to you in email format and have included an electronic copy of the Around Her Finger book and my telephone number in that email. I am very interested in discussing this topic with you, and I hope that I get the opportunity to do so.

By your own admission you did not read our entire site. I think that this is unfortunate. I do hope that you will read my entire response as I can assure you that I am making a very sincere effort to craft a personal response that touches upon all your concerns.

First, consider that your husband had tremendous courage in bringing his desire for a wife-led relationship to your attention. I would imagine that he was fearful that his openness would generate a negative response from you, and in his case, he was very unfortunately correct. Very importantly, you should know that while his submission has likely been with him for a very long time, his desire to share this side of himself with you and to submit to you is first and foremost an expression of his love. Even if you ultimately decide that this dynamic is not something that you want to reconsider, do not punish him for opening up to you. His candor is not something for which he should feel ashamed, it is something for which he should be commended. Ask yourself if you have ever shared anything with him that might have changed the way he perceives you. Ask yourself if there are things about yourself that you have kept hidden for that very reason.

Second, know that just because you decide that you do not desire a wife-led marriage do not assume that your husband's desires will just now go away. He is submissive regardless of whether you decide to embrace this component of his persona. He can mask and hide his desire to submit to you, but he can no more make it go away than he can change the color of his eyes. Furthermore, it is not just a minor component of how he sees himself. Most submissive men think about their submission all the time. It is only once they embrace their submission and share it with the woman that they love that it becomes a positive part of their life rather than a constant, haunting desire. You said that nobody that you know is happier and more in love than the two of you. Your bond is so strong that your husband risked sharing this with you. While he is no doubt happy with the way he relates to you today, he obviously saw an opportunity to achieve a new level of happiness by introducing this relationship dynamic. He knows he could be happier. To me this an intense argument for an open mind on the subject. Simply stated, you can help fulfill your husband and create new happiness for him. This is one thing women have a difficult time understanding. While he will serve and obey you, he will be the one that takes the most pleasure from this service.

Finally, I want to address what I believe is, for most couples, the real barrier to loving female authority. You probably think that the whole thing is weird. I think that you believe that the bulk of the interactions with your husband will now be defined by the establishment of your new roles, and this is not something with which you are comfortable. Our experience, however is different. Over and over again, we see that 95% of the husband and wife interactions in wife-led marriages are just exactly as they were after the wife formalizes her authority as they were before she did so. Yes, sex will be more focussed on your pleasure and as a result you will both enjoy it more. Yes, your decisions will be respected in the household like never before. Yes, your husband will be more helpful around the house. Yes, he will be even more communicative and more affectionate. There are some modest changes that you will have to make, but the bulk of your day to day interactions will remain unchanged. We see this over and over again in letters that we receive from wives that give the dynamic a chance.

You began your letter by scolding me. I am guilty as charged in so much as I gave your husband the confidence to open up to you and share this very intimate secret. Remember, however, that he was in all likelihood submissive when you married him. Before he discovered this site he kept this secret from you. You have only been married three years. You will continue to learn more about him as you grow together, but you will learn more if you embrace him for who he is. There is much to know about being the wife of a submissive husband, and I want to share more with you. First, you need to take the first step. If not today, if not next month, if not next year, then sometime, you need to open your mind and your heart to your husband's unique gift.

You have my personal email and my phone number. Do not hesitate to contact me.

Letters from Men,

Dear Emily and Ken,

Thanks for your book.

My wife and I enjoyed reading it and we both loved boot camp. We agreed to continue a marriage based on your teachings....but it has gone off the rails and we are where we were before we read the book. Where we are is still a pretty good place...but not as good as boot camp. We are both not sure what has happened. Is this a common experience ? Is it hard to maintain the intensity of boot camp for longer ?

We have a number of explanations -

1. Life is busy and we get distracted and otherwise occupied, (both working) etc.

2. The thrill hard to maintain and we have unrealistic expectations.

3. Our natures are not truly dominant and submissive...and we revert to something else with time.

All or none of these explanations is plausible. Any thoughts you have on this would be great.

Thanks,

Tim

Ken responds...

First, I reject that your nature is not submissive. I believe that most men are submissive, and in your case, you even took an initiatve to introduce loving female authority to your wife. Of course you are submissive, you just become distracted and lose sight of your proper role in the marriage.

Your wife may not be naturally dominant, but her actions more than your own will continue to keep this dynamic healthy. She needs to continue to have expectations for your work around the house, and enforce those expectations with a tone and words that emphasize her authority over you. She also needs to sit you down occasionally and remind you that there is no turning back. Thirdly, and most importantly, she needs to implement more careful orgasm management over you. She should be receiving foot rubs, massages, and any form of sexual intimacy that she desires. In your case, your orgasms need to be fewer and farther between than they seem to be right now.

I know that maintaining this dynamic is not always easy for some couples. I also know that it is easier to give advice than it is to follow it in a busy life. That said, it is definately worth it when it all works out.

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Dear Emily and Ken,

I wrote to you once before about how the dynamics my wife and I have evolved in our marriage over the past year and a half come pretty close to being a wife-led marriage as described in "Around Her Finger". Your website helped me find the words to express what we had been moving toward, and to understand the desiresI have always had. Ken responded and encouraged me to find a time and tell her how I feel and how I would like her to lead our marriage.

Since that letter, I have been observing my wife very closely to see if she would be open to this as a permanent arrangement. I had half-convinced myself that my wife consciously knew what was going on as well. She had even initiated a conversation with me about how things are better now that I have given up the expectations I had been raised with, that as the man I was automatically the head of the household.

I decided I needed tell her the whole truth about what I am feeling. Instead of telling her I wanted to submit to her, I decided to tell her that I was already submitting to her, and to bring up how much we both seem to be enjoying things the way they are now and how this fulfills a deep need inside me. When I actually started the conversation, however, I got tounge-tied and when her first response was to say she wants us both to "call the shots".

I chickened out. I felt very panicky about it for a day or so, and I was convinced that now that I had partly brought it out in the open, she would stop acting in a dominant manner. She didn't. We carried on more or less as usual, and since then she has been a little more dominant each week. In fact, I am half-convinced (again) that now she really is "aware" of what is going on.

We were in a store recently, and she pointedout a t-shirt to me that had a picture of Pluto thed og and the words "I'm well trained! (Just ask mywife.)" She was so delighted with the shirt that she high-fived me in the store! So I considered this to be an encouraging sign that mywife would be open to this - yet I still find the prospect of telling her to be a very scary one. I guess the point of my letter is to see if either of you can give me any insight into what may be going on inside my wife's head. It seems to me that she understands what is going on between us as much as Ithink I do. It seems to me that she understands me, that she can see that I love to submit to her. It seems to me that she loves to be in the dominant position herself. Yet I am afraid that I could merely be doing a very good job at convincing myself that what I wish to be true is true.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Unsigned

Ken responds...

The only way to know what she is thinking, and for her to know what you are thinking, is to have an open and candid conversation with her. She deserves this.

You are learning what many men have learned. There is very little satisfaction that comes from stealth submnission. You need to feel the liberation that comes from the "you will obey" conversation. You need to have your orgasms managed. You need everything that comes from a wife-led marriage when both couples openly acknowledge their feelings and their roles.

You are lucky in that your wife has opened the door to this conversation with the way she high-fived you in the store. I don't doubt that there are other little signs which might have bopped you on the head, but you continue to ignore due to your fears.

Ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen if you are honest with her?